THIS YEAR STICK TO YOUR ROOTS. EMBRACE OUR MANX MYTHICAL MADNESS.
No, not the bloody boat. The God. This dude was a proper bada$$. He’s the Lord of the F***ING SEA!!! You don’t mess around with the lord of the sea. Or any lords come to think of it. Ever wonder why people don’t give Michael Flatley any sh!t even though he dances like a tw*t? BECAUSE HE’S LORD OF THE DANCE, people.
We all know about Manannan’s ability to cover the Island in a thick, ghostly fog to conceal his beloved home from invaders – “Manannan’s cloak” – but there’s far more to this dude than ruining Manx summers. He had a steed called Finbar who could travel over land AND sea. That’s an utter horse! His sword was called ‘The Answerer’ – which, whilst grammatically pretty ropey, could cut through any armour so probably best not be too pedantic about his literacy levels.
Not content with being an all round cool mofo and having his own Island named after him, Manannan was also, somewhat bizarrely, a renowned foster parent, fostering many children over the years. Also, if you’re ever bored, his name works especially well with the Muppets Mahna Mahna song. Doo doo doo doo…etc.
Follow these simple instructions to become a badass Manannan:
- Cover face in white crackle face paint or face mask
- Glue stick the eyebrows down and cover with concealer
- Cover brows with the face paint
- Blow dry the face
- Darken where your face naturally has shadow
- Add a moss colour to the edges of the face to add dimension
- Spirit gum some foliage onto the brows
- Make a swirl out of latex and spirit gum it on
- Go to the joke shop behind Marksies and buy a wig
- Add the wig
- Add more foliage
- Jam some more foliage into the beard