Oh Mildred you saucy minx
A rebel of the seas, prone to luring the Manx sailors with her salty as f**k attitude and super-hot fishtail, Mildred was cooler than you’ll ever be. You absolute loser. Oh yes: Mildred was a chain-smoking, whisky-guzzling, wise-crackin’ cold hard b!tch. And the most do-able fish out there!
The Manx Mermaids were nice enough and the Mermen were fine – if you discount the sad emasculated demeanour -yet, her Pohllinagh (Manx word for Merpeople. Pronounced PGGGGGGGGGLAGGHHHGGGGHHGGJJG) chums had about as much edge as James Blunt.
Mildred, bored of conversing with Jamaican crabs named Sebastien, got sh!t-faced on Apple Sourz, partied into the night with Manannan and feasted on the flesh of the Sailor Boys of Ramsey Bay. Yeah, apparently she had a weird cannibalism thing going on. Who are we to judge, right? SHE’S A BRASSIER WEARING FISH WITH ARMS!!