I know for a fact that it can’t just be me who doesn’t understand the attraction of football.
I don’t know what it is, but football has never really appealed to me and with the World Cup taking over homes, shops and offices, it can be quite hard for us ‘footie-foes’ to escape it’s wrath.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with football; it’s a great way to keep active and never fails to rally the masses together for a big dose of good old community spirit. I just can’t get as swept away with it as I can with the Olympics and end up feeling a bit like I’ve been left on the sidelines while everyone else enjoys the carnival atmosphere.
So, if like me, you feel like everyone has been sucked into their nearest television screens and left you on your own, then let me help you along with my handy tips to surviving the World Cup-ocalypse.
#1 – Never ask questions
Don’t ask a football fan any questions while they’re watching a match. They need absolute concentration when they’re watching, apparently.
If you do strike up a conversation with a football fan then beware – they probably know everything. Nobody wants to hear a long winded explanation about the tactics used in the 2002 match between…sorry, I fell asleep.
#2 – Smile & nod
If you can manage to watch a match with a loved one then great! Well done you! Just keep smiling for the next 90 minutes. Perhaps wear some mirrored sunglasses so that you can close your eyes and have a nap. Just remember not to snore, and maybe cheer occasionally.
#3 – Choose your team wisely
Chose a really obscure country to support. That way, they’ll get kicked out early and then you can just pretend that you’re too disappointed to watch any more.
This means you’ll still get to attend any World Cup parties and you can have free range of the buffet while the others are absorbed in the action.
#4 – Run away
Book a holiday to a country that didn’t qualify to avoid it completely. Possible destinations include Italy, Greece, New Zealand and Mongolia…
#5 – Move out
It may seem a bit EXTREME but you could always move into your garden shed for the rest of the month and re-connect with nature. And Netflix.
Whatever you do, you can’t really escape from the World Cup but you can always take the opportunity to watch your loved ones enjoying themselves and maybe even have a bit of fun in a sweepstake.
And if you can’t cope don’t worry, there’s always Love Island…